Complacency and Fear


In my previous post, "Nostalgia", I talked about the beginnings of a new personal project.  I left out the part regarding the growing fear I felt lurking behind much of my photography as of late.  Is it being hidden behind a veneer of "self education" in the form of a pursuit of color photography?  Is it an excuse to remain comfortable, unchallenged and untried?  There is something ironic about seeking out antiques, namely cameras, to photograph and document.  It is tantamount to a woodworker using a handsaw to cut another handsaw.  These cameras had their days in the sun, in front of eyes and capturing the turning of their world.  Now here I am safe and sound hiding behind their glory.  It is an undercurrent within that brews behind these photos.  


This storm, this haunting and impending storm, looms above me.  It at times rains great fear upon me.  Fear that I am inadequate, insufficient and ill prepared.  I stand on the eve of the birth of my fourth son and for the first time in my young family's history it can be documented.  I long to be my Bride's Knight in shining armor.  Holding her hand, supporting her strength and motivating her forward in her hour of labor.  Yet she also calls upon me to tell the story of that labor and the story of our son's birth.  It is the human condition.  Messy and fleeting.  I only want to capture and bring order to it.